You Suck at Drinking

“At once tipsy-funny and dryly sage: a wonderful wise guide to the ethics and etiquette of drunkardry.” —New York Times–bestselling author John Hodgman

Hey—you there with the cheap chardonnay—you think you know how to drink, but this book will gently lead you to the conclusion that you do, indeed, suck at drinking. It's time to imbibe correctly, and author Matthew Latkiewicz has compiled this helpful, wryly humorous guide to help you navigate any drinking situation and answer any pedantic questions, including:

• What's the difference between a flip, a fizz, and a smash?
• What is the official state term for being inebriated in Iowa?
• How do you choose the right drink to suit any occasion?
• And much more!

Complete with tons of helpful illustrations and handy graphs, this guide will become indispensable to anyone who no longer wants to—suck at drinking.

“I've been drinking for twenty years now, but I've never really known what I was doing. . . . Fortunately, Matthew Latkiewicz has written an accessible, responsible guide to the dark art of getting alcohol into your body. Thanks to him I can look forward to many happy years of boozing ahead of me.” —David Rees, author of How To Sharpen Pencils

“The success of Latkiewicz's satire lies in the disarming accuracy of his hilarious portrayal of American drinking customs.” —Jim Meehan, author of The PDT Cocktail Book