The 2,320 Funniest Quotes

Presenting the best of the best from AllGreatQuotes.com, this uproarious volume features gems on every topic, from sex and money to spouses and politics.

From the witty quips of Mark Twain to the unintentionally hilarious gaffs of today’s celebrities, this collection of snappy quotes puts readers in hysterics. This uproarious volume has clever gems on every topic imaginable. It ranges from Oscar Wilde’s devious perspective on people (“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.”) to Socrates’ ironic advice on marriage (“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”) to Julia Roberts’ view on keeping it real (“Your face tells a story—and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office.”). The 2,320 FunniestQuotes is perfect for readers who want a cocktail party wisecrack, Facebook wall post, or witty retort, or who are just looking for a reason to smile. Laugh until you cry with such words of wisdom as . . .

• God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. —Robin Williams
• Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. —Spike Milligan
• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. —Oscar Wilde
• The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! —Homer Simpson
• When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was “Always.” —Rita Rudner
• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. —George Burns