How to Raise a Billionaire Genius

From the so-called experts, a humorous parenting guide meant to ensure your child is more successful than other kids—the perfect gift for new parents.

From attachment-parenting hugs to Tiger Mom discipline, the so-called experts offer plenty of contradictory advice on how to raise the perfect child. So don’t bother with their boring theories and instead follow the hilarious, if not so expert, suggestions in this book and surely (well, maybe) your precious offspring will turn out to be exactly what you want.

• Forget Mozart—inspire a BILLIONAIRE in the womb by playing stock market bells and yelling like rally-crazed brokers.
• A GENIUS isn’t made playing hide-and-seek, so stop your offspring from playing games with IQ-draining friends.
• A SUPER MODEL can’t have fat (not even baby fat), so start her at birth on a diet of painkillers, cigarettes and vodka.