Forgiving & Not Forgiving

A look at what goes into the process of forgiveness and at how to determine whether someone who has hurt you deserves to be forgiven.

“Jeanne Safer offers a brave and compassionate voice on a taboo subject with insight and clarity. Memorably engrossing, this book offers support and guidance to an often bewildering human emotional process.” —Susan Forward, PhD, author of When Your Lover Is a Liar and Toxic Parents

In our culture the belief that “To err is human, to forgive divine,” is so prevalent that few of us question its wisdom. But do we ever completely forgive those who have betrayed us? Aren’t some actions unforgivable? Can we achieve closure and healing without forgiving?

Drawing on more than two decades of work as a practicing psychotherapist, more than fifty in-depth interviews, and sterling research into the concept of forgiveness in our society, Dr. Jeanne Safer challenges popular opinion with her own searching answers to these and other questions. The result is a penetrating look at what is often a lonely, and perhaps unnecessary, struggle to forgive those who have hurt us the most and an illuminating examination of how to determine whether forgiveness is, indeed, the best path to take—and why, often, it is not.

“A wonderfully readable book . . .nuggets of wisdom to be found on every page.” —Maggie Scarf

“A useful, intellectually and rhetorically nuanced work.” —Kirkus Reviews